Kind of proud

"For better or for worse, but not for granted"

Aug 17, 2023

On Valentines Day just over 10 and a half years ago, I posted a bragging blog post about my upcoming 25th wedding anniversary. It was one of my most read posts ever.

A lot has happened in my life and in our marriage since then, but I am still kind of proud. Proud of us.

It’s worth a repeat.

I was going to save this post until April, but I can’t wait.
I have never really done anything remarkable in my life. I have not really achieved very much outside of the quite ordinary. I’m annoyingly normal. Almost mediocre.
But there is one thing I am quite proud of. I have been married for almost 25 years.
Ok, so that may not be all that remarkable come to think of it, but I’m still kind of proud of it.
I can’t even really take all that much credit for it either. ‘It takes two to tango’, right? And my husband has been just as patient and steadfast as me. If not more so.
We were very young, only 20 and 25, and quite a few people were skeptical. Especially my dad. “I give you 6 months, tops”, he exclaimed just a few weeks before the wedding. And I’ll admit that at that 6 month mark I did wonder what on earth I had done…
Luckily though, we were both quite stubborn. We have definitely had our share of ups and downs, and a few really rough spots. I would be lying if I said I have never considered ending the whole thing. But I am so glad we didn’t.
Sometimes I wonder how we made it this far – apart from just stubbornness. Especially now that the kids are growing up and entering into their own relationships.
So here are a few thoughts in no particular order about why I think we very soon can celebrate our 25th wedding anniversary:

My parents’ example. My mother used to quote Joyce Brothers: “My husband and I have never considered divorce… murder sometimes, but never divorce.” Seriously though – they have had so many challenges and obstacles on so many levels, but have remained amazing examples of loyalty and steadfastness, and for that I am eternally grateful.
We have been quite conscious of the fact that we were responsible for our marriage and how it fared. Marriages are not separate living entities that ‘fall apart ‘ or ‘crumble’ or ‘break’. It is the couple who determines the ‘health’ of the relationship and how challenges and bumps in the road are handled.
We see our marriage as a triangular relationship with God at the top. If we as a couple are trying to grow closer to the Lord, we will inevitably grow closer to each other in the process.
Common faith. We have the same goals and are moving in the same direction. That helps.
The grass is greener where you water it. For real.
Lot’s of good books. Especially: ‘Love is never enough’, ‘Families and how to survive them’, ‘The 5 Love languages’, ‘One Flesh, One Heart’, and ‘Between husband and wife’.
Humor. We like the same stuff and have a similar sense of humor. We can be very silly. “Anyone can be passionate, but it takes real lovers to be silly.” - Rose Franken
Laziness. Hey, I’ve spent 25 years training him. Why would I want to start over with a younger, newer model just because the original has lost his curly hair?
The kids. I think it is quite ridiculous when I hear couples say they stay together for the children’s sake. Children are smart. They can tell if their parents are unhappy together. However, having children does make us try harder to make the marriage work.

I stumbled across this poem by Carol Lynn Pearson the other day, and it explains perfectly how I feel about JB:

HOME

Outside your arms
Is a place I like to visit
But I wouldn’t want
To live there.

This is home now
… This small cozy structure
We build of an embrace.
This is comfort–
It is fireplace, lamp,
And softest chair.

I will go out
From time to time

For exercise and such
And to keep in touch
With the world where people
Eat and laugh and work.

But I’m a stranger there now,
A stranger in a strange land,
And I never get warm enough
And I’m always alone.

Then–
The touch of your hand,
And I know I’m nearly home.

We are not really all that ‘good’ with birthdays and Valentines day and such, but this year I decided I would send him a text every hour during work just telling him why I love him. I wasn’t expecting him to reply. He is quite perfunctory when he texts. But today he actually answered back. My heart fluttered.

Here’s to 25 more years!