Two Word Prayers

and Two Way Prayers

I haven’t been praying for a while now. At least not the way I used to pray. You know; The Dear Heavenly Father, Thank you for…, Please… , in the name of Jesus Christ, Amen-kind of prayers of my first half of life. My prayers came to a gradual halt as my belief in a transactional God slowly faded, and then completely vanished.

I had already known for years that prayer did not work like a vending machine. Yet, I still wanted it to. Or at least I still behaved like it did. How could I not?

‘I, the Lord, am bound when ye do what I say; but when ye do not what I say, ye have no promise.’ (Doc. and Cov. 82:10.)

I mean, I was explicitly told to pray, and if I did, God would bless me, right? More precisely; if I didn’t, he wouldn’t. And if my prayers weren’t being answered, it was on me. I wasn’t praying hard enough. Or trusting enough. Or believing enough. Or long enough.

Exhausting and demotivating.

Because, was he even listening? Was he even there?

I have served as Primary music leader on and off for probably 25 years. Primary songs are the soundtrack of my life. It’s one of those callings that just gets easier and more fun the longer you do it, because you know all the songs by heart, and you have all the visual aids ready to go in cavernous files in your home office.

The song A Child’s Prayer is one of those songs that is just always on repeat in the back of my head.

Heavenly Father, are you really there?

And do you hear and answer ev’ry child’s prayer?

I so very much wanted it to be true. I so very much wanted to believe it. But it just didn’t seem to work for me.

Some say that heaven is far away,

But I feel it close around me as I pray.

I very rarely, if ever, felt heaven close around me. What was wrong with me? A dear family friend left the church some years ago, after many, many years of faithful service in every capacity imaginable. He told his wife once: I have never received an answer to prayer, but it’s not from lack of trying.

His comment reminded of Gordon B. Hinckley’s response to Mike Wallace in his 60 Minutes interview:

Mormons believe that after they die, their families will be reunited and will live together forever in heaven.

“We know it’s there. We have an assurance of that,” Hinckley told Wallace.

“There’s a lot of us that don’t,” Wallace replied.

“Yeah, I know that,” Hinckley said. “But you could.”

“I’ve thought about it. I’ve not been able to persuade myself,” Wallace said.

Hinckley’s reply? “Well, you haven’t thought about it long enough.”

Sigh.

While waiting to figure out this prayer thing, I recently pulled out my Mandala Mindfullness coloring book from 2020. It is quite soothing, actually.

My issue with prayer then boils down to a few points:

1. I don’t know if God is a Heavenly Father who hears me.

2. I don’t know that God answers prayers at all.

3. I don’t know if it’s my fault that my prayers remain unanswered.

4. I don’t know if I can fix it, or what even could fix it.

Being the control freak that I am, not knowing is maybe the hardest part. At the same time, a part of me instinctively understands that the not knowing is probably both healthy and necessary for me to live an authentic life. For me to be me.

For years I would comfort myself by saying that the purpose of prayer was not to force God to do my bidding, but to change me. Make me more compassionate. Make me more humble. Make me more grateful. More mindful of others. I still believe that actaully. I’m just not sure it has to be done through prayer.

Recently I have heard the expressions two word prayers and two way prayers. Clearly not novel ideas, but new to me.

Maybe if I change my definition of what a prayer is, and what it is for, I can achieve the end result I seem to be seeking?

What if my two word prayer could be a mantra for myself? From me to me? I already have some, come to think of it.

Grace and Space.

More Open.

I’m Enough.

See Them.

Be Still.

Soft Heart.

Can I come up with more? I think so.

I went hunting in my photos for a notebook picture and found this gem.

The Two Way Prayers need some more diving into. I found a book. I found a web site.

Google’s AI assistant tells me this:

Two-way prayer is a spiritual practice involving a “conversation” with a divine source, where an individual both talks to God and listens for guidance. It is distinct from traditional one-way prayer and was a key part of the early days of Alcoholics Anonymous (AA) and the Oxford Group. The practice involves setting aside quiet time, asking a question or presenting a need, and then writing down the thoughts that arise as a response from God.

I’m pretty sure the principle can be adapted to suit my needs even if I am not in a 12 step addiction recovery program.

For years I kept a gratitude journal. Sometimes it was pages. Most times it was three bullet points a day. I loved it. But it also felt like just another thing on my to-do list.

I am ready to try something new.

Move Forward.